The Hall of Game Awards. Who’s got GAME?! Not me.

Posted: February 12, 2011 by Nexonius in Animation, Animation Editorials, Authors, Guest Writer, Nexonius
Tags: , , , , , , , ,
The following is a guest post by TRSP friend Nexonius, over on Twitter.

They win when we say they win...

{Walks on stage}

{clears throat 3x}

Me: “Is this mic on?” “Testing…1,2,3. Testing….okay, everything’s on. Gather your seats kids, because we’re gonna talk about sports tonight.”

Kid: “On ESPN or Fox Sports Net?”

Me: “Neither.”

Kid: “Disney XD?”

Me: “How about Cartoon Network?”

Kid: “Uh……no. When’s the Kids Choice Awards again?”

Sports: a plethora of many exercises panned down for many generations. Some love it (like myself), while others don’t care for it. I like football, basketball and sometimes baseball. What networks do I want to see if I plan to watch sports? ESPN and its family networks, Fox Sports Net, TBS and TNT (for sports), Big Ten Network, and broadcast networks. Cartoons, plethora of many techinques, formats and styles also panned down for many generations. What networks do I want to see if I plan to watch cartoons? Cartoon Network, Nickelodeon, Disney Channel, PBS, Disney 😄, Boomerang, and so forth. Why did I mention both sports and cartoons when they clearly have nothing in common? No reason…except the fact that Cartoon Network’s going to air an obnoxious sports awards show hosted by Tony Hawk called The Hall of Game Awards, scheduled for the 25th of this month, taking over the action we all love, but only for a week.

Now kids, is watching sports harmful? Of course not. Is watching cartoons harmful? Again, of course not. Is having a sports awards show air on a CARTOON network harmful? Most of you would think it is, but it’s not. Stupid, bullcrap, dumb, idiotic, arrogant, ignorant, lame, boring, unnecessary, etc., but defintely harmless and avoidable. Speaking of ignorant decisions by moronic executives by the names of Stuart Snyder and Rob Sorcher of Cartoon Network, why in the hell was this even conceived, let alone having a mere thought? Have those people not learned about the sports disasters, like the great stuff taken from FUEL TV in 2009, or Run It Back being on Sunday mornings, or even those lovely My Dad’s a Pro segments. Like we really care about that wealthy kid, his basketball star daddy, and their lavish life. I’m like, so jealous!

{mean sarcasm not needed}

Was this some make it or break it decision for the executives or something? Because it sounds far too likely. I bet the conversation went like this in 2009:

MEANWHILE, AT THE HALL OF JUSTICE……oops, I mean BAD IDEAS!

Executive #1: Kids aren’t watching our awesome sports offerings, like 10 Count and the other sports stuff we threw in on purpose! They’d rather watch our icky cartoons instead! Ugh.

Executive #2: They watch ESPN and FSN for sports, sir.

Executive #1: NO!! They should be flocking their eyes over to us! We want to be the network with everything! Even cartoons……ugh.

Executive #2: Why can’t we just keep it strictly cartoons, sir?

Executive #1: Quiet, I’m thinking! What if we create more My Dad’s a Pro segments? Heck, a SPORTS AWARDS show! Kids love award shows! Let that be in front of all the cartoons at the upfronts! That’ll show Nickelodeon we’re just as cool!

Executive #2: {sarcasticly with deadpan} Brilliant….as usual, sir.

I mean it’s one thing to announce something, but to promote it in SEPTEMBER?! Yeah, you heard me, September. That’s way too early for promotion, and while Nickelodeon and Disney Channel can get away with such, you can’t and won’t, Cartoon Network. You just can’t. It’s too late to stop it, as it’s heading swiftly to the 25th of this month. Besides, the views of the first Hall of Game promo has only around 180,000 views on CN.com, while on You Tube (courtesy of PalmelaFCWorld) has only 2,487 views (since October 2010)! What are you exactly trying to prove here, Cartoon Network? That you can blow even harder in the ratings with all the live-action junk which is failing? Unnatural History is canned, while Tower Prep failed to get a million viewers for most of its short run. Kids aren’t going to sit though this, believe me. They aren’t going to watch 3 stupid Jackass wannabes, some dude I never heard of destroy things, or people not having the ability to fit through some damn holes. So kiss that ratings candy back to 3rd place, as usual. You guys say you’re not trying to copy Nickelodeon, but with these live-action decisions, I’m not sure.

All of this talk brings me to the conclusion of this article. If I was a professional in any type of sports, there are four awards I’d want. One: God. Two: My family. Three: A trophy. And last, but not least, four: A big fat paycheck. I don’t need no stinkin’ kids award. Besides, I’d rather take an orange blimp anyway.

Just sayin’.

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Comments
  1. Yeah, I’d rather take home a ESPY trophy or a cool Orange Blimp than anything given during a gimmick-y awards show like this. Oh yeah I forgot, ESPN already has the Sports Awards realm dominated. This thing’ll last only a year since the lack of interest will be exhausting…

    Oh, and lemme give a big F You to Tony Hawk for doing this gimmick. Tony, dude, you’ve lost any and all respect from me for doing this. I’ll give you my respect back if you come out later and say you just did it for the moolah and didn’t give a care…

  2. Jeff Harris says:

    Good piece and you’ve made a lot of observations, but I do have to add this. Aren’t you, in a way, kind of promoting HOG by talking about how bad it is? As they say, bad publicity is still publicity.

  3. John Timmons says:

    Thanks, you guys!

    To Jeff: Yeah, but I had to get my thoughts out of how I feel about this. And like I stated, stuff being promoted for 5-6 to death will lose momentum and viewers, and only Nickelodeon and Disney Channel can have the right to do that because they have viewers who worship the respective networks. With Cartoon Network, it’d be gone and useless. Besides, Orange Blimps are cool, not some GAME crap. If sports didn’t work before, what make Cartoon Network think this is?

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