Top Five: Most Awesome Power Ring Constructs (That Nobody Ever Uses)

Posted: April 29, 2010 by silvertomatoproductions in Tomato Surprise, Uncategorized


Hey, guys!

Tomato here! I’ve got to be honest with you. It’s my first “real” post on the panel, and after all the awesome ones we’ve had so far, I’m a bit nervous. And you know what time it is when I get nervous?

IT’S TOP FIVE LIST TIME!!!

Yes, ladies and gentleman, welcome to a semi-regular feature here at The Comics Panel, in which one of our panelists takes you through a list of five of the blankest blanks EVER! And today, my friends, those blanks are going to be filled with the words Most Awesome and Green Lantern Power Ring Constructs That Nobody Ever Uses.

“But, Tomato” you hypothetically are asking “What the Mephisto is a Green Lantern Construct?” Allow me to explain.

Imagine that you’re a cop, Instead of your city, however, you protect a section of a galaxy. Now, to protect something as huge as a chunk of galaxy, you need a bit more than a shiny badge, a cop car and a gun, right? What you need is a piece of jewelry. A ring, to be exact.

Stop laughing. Really, you can stop now. No, seriously. Because what I haven’t told you about this ring will make your jaw drop. You see, whatever thought enters your head, this ring-shaped piece of Oan technology can make reality. Everything from tanks to swords to giant hands can come out of your ring finger. This is the object possessed by an army 7200 members deep that literally spans galaxies. An army known as the Green Lantern Corps. Bad news, though, folks: the people wielding the most powerful weapons in the galaxy have all the creativity of a stock broker. In every Green Lantern comic I’ve read, it’s always gun after gun, sword after sword on EVERY SINGLE PAGE. So, today, ladies and gentlemen, I’m going to prove that I can do better. These are my Top Five Most Awesome Green Lantern Corps Constructs (That Nobody Ever Uses!)

5. Explosives

Being a boy, I can’t resist a good explosion. There’s nothing like billowing fire and a cloud of smoke to get the testosterone pumping. But, the good thing about explosions, and the thing we often forget about them, is that they’re practical tools, too. Forgetting the nigh-infinite purposes of explosives in combat, they’re good utility tools as well. Want to clear a bridge or break down a door? Explosives have got you covered. Need a detraction? Bushel of TNT on line one.

But, those applications are playthings compared to the combative potential of a big, green, glowing pile of gunpowder-y goodness. Putting aside the raw decimating power of an explosive, there’s a bigger advantage to combative power-ring-patented explosives: you control them. Everything from the power of the explosives to the blast radius to the detonation time can be controlled by the Guardians in Green in a split-second. Why, then, do most Green Lanterns opt for the “big stick” method?

4. Tesla Coils/Perpetual Energy Machines

We may have an energy crisis on Earth, but that grants no excuse to any of our raucous ring-wielders. Scientists such as Nicola Tesla have toiled and tested for years in order to create what’s known as a “perpetual energy machine”. I’m nowhere close to an expert on the mechanics of these hypothetical marvels, but the basics boil down to this: what if there was a machine that could generate enough power that it could simultaneously generate enough power to run itself and carry out its function at the same time? You’d have a machine that literally ran for eternity. Whether it was a generator, a scanner, a vehicle or a weapon you wanted to power, this little construct could power it forever. Heck, why not use it to power the ring, therefore bypassing the pesky 24-hour charge time?

3. Sentient (Self Aware) Life Forms

Picture this: you’re a bank robber. You’re just minding your own business, chilling on New Earth with your big sack of bills when, *bonk*, you run into a Green Lantern. You pull out a gun. You’re ready to shoot him, poised and loaded. He promptly creates a GIANT FREAKING DRAGON THAT BREATHES GREEN FIRE. Or a rabid tiger. Or an ocelot. Or a swarm of poisonous spiders. Or 400,000 clones of his self, all of which he can control and command with his mind. Pop quiz: who wins?

2. Time Machines

I know that this is Booster Gold’s territory, but who’s to say that the Green Lanterns can’t get on the time-traveling bandwagon? Having trouble fighting a Manhunter? Bring a dinosaur back from a paleolithic road trip! Need a hand with Star Sapphire? Paging the Legion of Superheroes, you’re needed in the 21st century? Can’t get rid of a pesky reoccurring villain? Plop them in the rise of reality TV, and they won’t give a you a second thought. Just need a bit of a breather? The Roman Empire’s great this time of year? Once again, endless possibilities, and a pack of monkeys in the pilot’s chair!

1. Black Holes/Wormholes/Anti-Matter
If you get too close to a black hole, the event that happens as your body is torn to shreds is scientifically, technically, “oh-you-can-bet-I’m-dead-serious” called spaghettification. Need I say more?

And those, my friends, are the Top Five Most Awesome Power Ring Constructs (That Nobody Ever Uses!). Hate my guts? Love my brilliance? Spot a glaring omission? Sound off in the comments, and while you’re doing that, leave a comment on the other awesome posts chdr and QBComics did! Tomorrow, ToonamiFaithful will make his panel debut, and it’s sure to amaze!

See you then!

Tomato

*Things that didn’t make the cut: giant robots, appendages, planets

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